I wish....

I wish I wasn't me.  I wish I was a few inches shorter and a few stone lighter with smaller feet and a lot less curves. I wish I could be happy about my body. Dressing to show it off and not dressing to hide it because I'm ashamed. 

I wish that all my smiles and laugh weren't always fake. A way of hiding what I'm really feeling. Natural smiles and laugher seems an alien concept nowadays. 

I wish I was genuinely happy about myself and my so called life. If I could remove the big weight of depression hanging around my neck weighing me down so I only look at the ground. But I can't. It's here to stay.

I wish I stopped relying on my many masks and be the real me. But I think I've forgotten who the real me is. 

I wish I was the type of girl that guys fall for, even notice. I can't remember when a guy last checked me out or when builders wolf whistled at me when they drove past me.

I wish I could speak my mind and voice my opinions without worrying about the consequences. But I don't think anyone would want to hear anything that I'd want to say. When I speak my dull, droning voice sends people to sleep.

I wish I was a sociable creature. A social butterfly or night owl with a busy social life which meant I was never home. In fact I wish I didn't live at home so I could leave long enough between visits that my parents missed me. I wish I wasn't me.